There’s a difference between falling in love, and staying there. The former is usually a whirlwind—a tsunami of serotonin fueled by flirting and shared food. The latter? Well, that’s where the magic really happens. We're all striving to be that couple—you know, that’s somehow still obsessed with each other two decades in. What do they know that the rest of us don’t?

To find out, we went straight to the source: five couples who have cracked the code on long-term love. Whether they met online, in the office or on the dancefloor, all of them agree that finding 'the one' is just the beginning. So whether you're a hopeless romantic or feeling a little romantically hopeless this Valentine's Day, consider this your guide to playing the long game.

Julia and Drue

How long have you been together?

Five years! We made it official in 2019 at a New Year’s Eve party in downtown LA. I still have a piece of gold confetti that I kept from that night. 

How did you meet?

Torrid office romance! Not really… but we did meet as assistants at a talent agency. Honestly it’s a miracle that we fell in love under such aggressive fluorescent lighting. 

What do you think is the key to sustaining a lasting relationship?

Drue: I think staying curious about each other. I continue to learn new things about Julia all the time and am constantly reminded that, as well as I think I know her, there’s always going to be something more to discover. (Her decorated middle school gymnastics career for example). I think it’s exciting that the longer you’re with someone, the less you both are like the people you were when you first met. So for us, I think it’s about insisting we reintroduce ourselves to each other as often as we can. 

Julia: Write your own rules!! Cheesy but true! There’s so much to compare your relationship to out there, and it’s all too easy to internalize a lesson that sounds right, but doesn’t actually apply to you. It’s a lifelong project, and a masterclass in trust and patience, but with the right person I swear it sets you free. 

@drue / @juliaperl

Shreya and Chris

How long have you been together?

Two years.

How did you meet?

We met on Raya (lol) in 2020, but Chris lived in Chicago and I was in Toronto, so border restrictions kept us in the DMs for years. Two years later we met IRL in LA.

What do you think is the key to sustaining a lasting relationship?

Shreya: Communication. I think starting as a long-distance couple actually helped us build a really strong foundation. Since we didn’t expect to meet in real life, we skipped all the usual early dating small talk and just got to know each other in a really natural, unfiltered way. We made it a priority to end each day with a FaceTime call or a phone conversation — one of our longest calls even lasted 10 hours!

Chris: I think both partners have to set goals and support each other’s goals, even when they don’t directly involve you. You have to WANT to celebrate your partner’s wins and cheer them on and be willing to make small temporary sacrifices when needed. In a long lasting partnership, you see each other’s successes as shared victories. 

@shreyakhanna_

Ty and Matty

How long have you been together?

Two years, five months.

How did you meet?

Hinge! #DesignedToBeDeleted bb. 

What do you think is the key to sustaining a lasting relationship?

Matty: Let go of your ego. Make each other laugh. Buy them lots of flowers; that never hurts either. 

Ty: Make the relationship you want, not the one you should. I see a lot of straight folks feel tethered to timelines — for when to say “I love you,” when to move in together, when to get married. (Notice, I said “when” not “if.”) On the flip side, being queer I feel expected to simply abandon monogamy and matrimony often since it’s “so heteronormative.” I suggest you unsubscribe to the word “should,” communicate what you want and feel, and make your own rules. It’s your life together. I feel liberated to love my partner in a way that feels best for us, not others. I hope it leads to longevity.  

@the_tyguy_ / @mattydaddi

Allie and Jon

 

How long have you been together?

Together 15 years, married 10.

How did you meet?

We met on the dance floor at a skeezy club in Santa Monica called ZANZIBAR. Jon had a terrible, self inflicted haircut, but was wearing an iconic western shirt printed with ponies silhouetted before a setting sun. He rescued Allie , a horse girl, from a gang of oily club bros and they danced. The rest is history.

What do you think is the key to sustaining a lasting relationship?

Jon: The secret to a lasting relationship is talking, listening, and great sex, which usually has something to do with talking and listening. And remembering during trying times that hardship, like love, is only forever if you let it be. 

Allie: Getting help if you need it, getting freaky and trying new things together, and finding a way to turn toward each other in trying times rather than turning away.

@allierowbottom / @jonjonlindsey

Liz and Kylo

How long have you been together?

Three years.

How did you meet?

We met in a music studio session in Connecticut 12 years ago.

What do you think is the key to sustaining a lasting relationship?

Liz: Hype each other up and support each other as often as possible!

Kylo: And if they try to give you an 'out,' don’t take it.

@lizkingmusic / @kylokey